- Leviticus 16:29-18:30
- Mark 7:24-8:10
- Psalm 41:1-13
- Proverbs 10:15-16
Psalm 41 is David’s lament when he was seriously ill. He acknowledges that his illness is related to his sin. Today I am praying Psalm 41 as a lament.
To me this feels like David is just stating facts. He is laying his trust down on the Lord, saying this is what I KNOW to be TRUE. David knows that God delivers those who have taken care of others in need. He trusts that God protects and preserves them. David believes that those who care for others when they are weak are counted as blessed in the land, and that God will NOT give them over to the enemy. He has experienced, trust, believe and grasp on to the very last string of hope of the TRUTH in that God sustains them.
I stand with David, and say I know this to be true, no matter what the doubts in my head say. No matter the voice of the enemy that is trying to convince me that it’s not true, I believe THIS to be true. I know that I’m feeling off kilter and stuck today and it doesn’t FEEL like God is sustaining me….but I am gripping with all my might on to the last thread of trust that God is keeping his promise to hold me fast. I’m going to write this on paper and out loud for the world to hear, so that hopefully when I finally get out of this mess, eyes will be opened and ears will hear.
I may FEEL hopeless, but I’m not, because I KNOW this to be true. You healed me before God and You’ll do it again! You fixed my situation before God, and I know you’ll do it again!
THIS, I BELIEVE to be TRUE.
David my friend, you know what I like about you? You speak YOUR OWN TRUTH as well as the truth of God’s word. Dude, you own your stuff!! You know when a man can be trusted? Its when you witness that he can bear his own soul, confess his sin out loud, and be ok in it. Not only that, but invite others in with him and share it. He takes responsibility for his own shortcomings so much that he just confesses it outloud, KNOWING dang good and well, that the person he shares with, is going to spread that gossip for real! #courage
I stand with David and ask for mercy, healing and forgiveness for my own sinfulness. I have tried to do the best I could and at times, just banged my knee on it, and other times fallen flat on my face. I’m sorry for the times I yelled at my kids. I’m sorry for the poor choices I made. I’m sorry for being needy. I’m sorry. I hear my enemies slandering me. I hear them saying she’s so weird. I hear them having parties and not inviting me.
Or at least I think I do. Aren’t they? Or are they? What if they’re not?
I’m sorry for being so self centered that I THINK they’re gossiping about me….maybe they’re really not. Maybe they’re just busy. Maybe they just have their own families to think about. I’m sorry for being so self absorbed that I think this distance is about me….maybe, just maybe, they’re lonely too, and think no one cares. Maybe that feeling is too scary to admit to so they just keep filling empty minutes with stuff to do.
Maybe my sin is actually just thinking about myself first, and not them. Maybe my sin is actually trying to manipulate relationships to fit my needs, when YOU Lord, are doing some work behind the scenes that I don’t need to worry about right now. What if this distance is really just You protecting me? Or….what if it’s just You protecting THEM?
David did have enemies trying to take his throne. David did commit the sin of adultery. David did repent and at least try to make amends. I thank God that David wrote this Psalm so that I can learn that there are this world consequences for sin, but that you love me, and hear me, even when I sin.
I stand in this empty-nest-ness and have time for my imagination to afflict me. I remember all the times I was a less than stellar mom and wish I would have done such and such differently. I pray for my daughters to grow closer to God, and I try to talk to them….and it only causes them to push me away. I shared my bread with them their whole lives, and feel them turn against me.
But is it me they are turning against?
What exactly are they turning against?
Or are they turning TO?
What exactly are they turning TOWARDS while they are turning AWAY?
I’ll never know, will I?
What if I just have to TRUST that not only does God deliver me, but He will deliver them….in His time. Not mine. Ugh.
Who is the real enemy here? Have mercy on me Lord, and rescue me from this enemy that is attacking me…I must be doing something right to be under such attack. I know Lord that you are pleased with me. You created me to be a woman of integrity and you will uphold me in that. I know that when I do what I say I’m going to do, be who you created me to be, you will set me in your presence forever.
Life may not look like I want it to right now, but I am RESTING in the KNOWLEDGE that You have placed on my heart that you will use these writings and my prayer and these situations all of us, especially the person reading this, closer to you.
What sins do you need to own up to today?
Do you TRUST that the Lord preserves and delivers? What would that mean to you?
Praise be to the Lord, the God of YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, from everlasting to everlasting. Can you praise God today? Why or why not?