O LORD, You have searched me
and known me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise;
You understand my thoughts from afar.
3You search out my path and my lying down;
You are aware of all my ways.
4Even before a word is on my tongue,
You know all about it, O LORD.
5You hem me in behind and before;
You have laid Your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139: 1-10
I started reading my journals this past weekend, I just happened to pick up one of them, and had written some things that feel very uncomfortable. There’s some anger and hurt. Pain and betrayal. Disappointment in myself and others. I sure hope that I wrote about some happy thoughts somewhere within these uncovered writings of my past.
If there’s no happy thoughts, I don’t think that I can continue reading them.
The writing class I’m in says to get in touch with the “heart felt need” of my “target audience” and at this particular moment, I question who that really would be? Maybe this process is just for me?
Dear Lord, I thank you that you know me now, you know the me of the past and most importantly, you know who you created me to be and are molding me to be Her. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Lord, there are some unaddressed issues and hurts. I don’t know if I need to be revisiting that stuff….maybe just burn them like I said I would do eventually. But what about the book….? Maybe this writing is too raw for public view.
I pray for the person reading this entry today, I pray if there are hurts from the past that you can assure them that you love them, and me not matter what….that you have already died for the sins of each of our past, present and future.
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Marvelous are Your works,
and I know this very well.
15My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in secret,
when I was woven together
in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all my days were written in Your book
and ordained for me
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139: 13-16
All the days of our lives are the frame. All the way back from the time of our conception to our darkest moments, Your eyes saw each of our unformed-ness and no matter what, our days are written in Your book. All the way down to the very nitty gritty detail of this moment in time, you use to draw us closer to you. How can I fathom that? I can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that every detail of my life and the life of my reader, have led each of us right here, to this very moment of writing and reading together. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty to attain.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my concerns.
24See if there is any offensive way in me;
lead me in the way everlasting.
Lead me Lord, in the way everlasting. Lead my reader Lord, in the way everlasting. Create us new today and teach us to love you better this moment, and the moments to come.
How can I be praying for you today?